A few more paragraphs cut from After Wimbledon.
Lucy on… Making Decisions
Showering off later, I debate the pros and cons of staying on the tour and decide I should. Then I debate the pros and cons of staying with Joe and decide I shouldn’t.
There, that’s decided.
Then I start debating them again and come up with different answers.
How do people make these decisions? How can I know what the right thing to do is? I can argue both sides convincingly, so which wins? If my feelings on two given days are directly opposed, which are the true ones?
Christ, why is life suddenly so complicated?
I run my fingers through my hair and bring a few strands round to look at. Maybe I should dye it. Go blond or something. Or cut it. After years in a ponytail it deserves a change. Maybe if I look different, I’ll feel different too.
And maybe I’ll be exactly the same, only with different hair.
Maybe I could go see a psychic and they can tell me what to do.
Except, what if they’re wrong or just making it up? What if I did what they said and it was all wrong for me?
Still, at least then I’d have someone to blame.
Oh, forget it.
Lucy on… Her Looks
I dry and dress in shorts and a T-shirt and then set about drying my hair. It really does need cutting. It grows so fast I blink and I’ve turned into Rapunzel. Am I the only one who thinks that someone climbing up your hair would really hurt?
The wall is mirrored, so I’ve really got no choice but to look at myself. Have you ever looked at your reflection and thought, ‘Is that really me?’ Like your inside isn’t quite reflected in your outside? Maybe it’s just me.
It’s not hard to guess I’m a tennis player, or an athlete anyway. 5’10” in my socks and I’m far from the tallest on the tour. Slim, but muscular not delicate. A fusion of power and speed. Fit and strong. Always in trainers, hair flattened back. Makeup rarely touches my skin, sun cream does in abundance. Round my neck I wear a silver tennis racquet charm – a present from my dad. Sports watch on my wrist, diamanté stud earrings. No other jewellery. I’m no beauty, but on court I don’t care. There, I belong. I look the part.