Jennifer Gilby Roberts

Women's Fiction/Chick Lit Author

6 Steps to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

on April 10, 2014

Every so often the press get very upset about high rates of pregnancy among teenagers.  I think I have the solution.  Sex education classes need to consist of the following:

  1. Listening to a baby crying non-stop for three hours.  Ideally, use a baby doll and tell teenager they can make it stop if they work out what the baby needs.  Keep playing noise no matter what they do.
  2. Allowing no more than two hours’ sleep at once and no more than five in a 24 hour period.  Repeat for minimum of one week, until tears start to flow freely.
  3. Attempting to restrain/comfort a tantruming toddler, getting hit, bit, scratched and kicked in the process.  For maximum effect, toddler should be filled with sugar, very tired and have long fingernails.  Tantrum should include scratching the eye area, jamming fingers up the nose and pulling hair.
  4. Listening to any electronic toy non-stop for three hours.
  5. Watching any toddler cartoon for four hours, with the same episode on repeat.
  6. Having their face smeared in bodily fluids.  Having to wait at least ten minutes before they can clean it off.

Then run the session on contraceptive methods.

If that doesn’t do it, nothing will.


One response to “6 Steps to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

  1. […] I love your post “6 Steps to Prevent Teenage Pregnancy“! Has mommyhood helped you as a writer (not in the getting things done–I know […]

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